Motherhood | Why I Cried on June 2nd
It seems as if in the last few years I've had quite a few milestones and this year has yet to disappoint as well. As the last few months of my pregnancy began, my husband and I began to have serious discussions about child care for our little one. The decision to return back to work laid heavy on our minds. We'd planned so much for this child but it was beginning to look like I might have to just stop working all together and stay home with Skylar. This is a goal but we have a few other things we'd like to accomplish before I become a stay at home mom or work at home mom.
In the beginning of our search, we really didn't know where to start so I asked other moms for recommendations of traditional day cares. Pretty much all the women I work with children attend traditional day cares, so I figured that where we'd be headed. Well, let me tell you one thing...child care is not built for online shopping. Many facilities did not list pricing and what they offered was often times vague. So, I just starting calling around. Well, the rumors were true, the prices were very much so ASTRONOMICAL, well at least for #TeamFife budget. We were stumped, Skylar now had arrived and we still didn't know how we'd tackle our childcare issue. So I went back in for another dose of recommendations and finally help from the interwebs! Overwhelmingly, this time around my husband and I were referred to http://www.Care.com
I couldn't thank you guys so much. This site allows you to post jobs, recruit applicants, review/screen interested candidates, see references and review background checks. We posted our job qualifications and within a day had tons of applicants. We narrowed it down through telephone and in-person interviews and finally found someone we were confident they would provide great care for Skylar.
So the day finally came, June 2nd, back to work day. I just knew I'd be tough but let's just say the day didn't pan out that way. Coincidentally, I'd scheduled a doctor's appt for that same day as well. So for much of the morning I was distracted with getting us ready, sneaking a bite of breakfast and traveling there and back that I hadn't a chance to reflect on how significant this day was about to become. It was the first day I'd leave Skylar with someone other than my husband for an extended period of time. I think previously I'd only left her for maybe two hours maximum. So as we settled down for nap time, as I held her (about an hour before nanny's arrival time) the reflection started and so did the tears. I held her tightly and talked and sang. I apologized that I had to leave her but Mama must go. I began to go through a few feelings of guilt but told myself, "You can't cry in front of the nanny!" So I wiped my tears and pulled myself together. Nanny arrives...we discuss the typical things...emergency #s, her things are stored here and there, Skylar's feeding schedule etc. etc. I put Skylar in the arms, kissed her goodbye and QUICKLY grabbed my purse and headed toward the door. I had to because I commanded myself, "You can't cry in front of the nanny!" As I latched my seat belt and rode off to work...I went ahead and let the ugly cry out while on my way. I can say made it through my entire shift and only text the nanny once! Yay me! My husband relieved the nanny after his shift and I came home a few hours later. Guess what happened?! Skylar was alive and well! I didn't know if I was more proud she'd made it or the fact that I'd made it through the day. After that day, leaving became much easier and I haven't dropped a tear since. I'll always remember that day because it's the day I re-learned I'm not in control, God's got it, as usual so just TRUST!
Look at me, getting good at this "mama" thang!
Talk to you later lovelies,
~Shan, Ms. Naturally Random