Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Motherhood | How I Find Joy in the Midst of Toddlerhood


Last night I wrote FB status #FeelingJoy. I absolutely in that moment felt joy. Joy is different from happiness. My little one was begging for me to pick her up as I try to work at my desk. I tried to ignore her as she wailed because she's at the age to act out (terrible two) for attention and she'll stop once she realizes she's not getting her way. She'd been at this crying routine on and off for well over an hour. I was getting awfully exhausted of her pleas for attention and distractions to the work I was trying to complete. She just really was getting under my skin but before the night was over, I found my joy or rather, joy found me.

Well, for whatever reason, a song came to mind. As I typed, the song started as a hum, I subconsciously picked her up, and kept working. As she laid on my chest and fell asleep, I kept working and singing. At some point I was singing the words aloud...and finally realized what I was saying.

Instantly sweet memories flood back in. I hear her voice so clearly. By her, I mean my paternal grandmother's voice. It's funny how music can transcend space and time. It transported me back to a building I spent a lot of Sundays in on St. Charles Rock Road in St. Louis, Mo. I was sitting on a pew right in front of the pulpit. I can hear my mother's voice as well and faintly. I can feel the weight of the burgundy hymnal in my little hands. The cover read "Pentecostal Praises" in faded metallic gold lettering.  The song is "Yield Not to Temptation". The pages have started to loosen from the spine. They were off white in color and beginning to brown like a vignette on the edges.  I said that song with every ounce of my being, from piano, to pianissimo to just humming. I held my toddler close and hummed to her ever so gently.

Motherhood provides trials and not only did the comfort my child, it comforted me as well. The nostalgic memory reminded of the mothers that came before me. Although they weren't trying to write a blog with a nagging child at their feet, maybe she was trying to write a sermon or cook dinner or get ready for work. In that moment it reminded me how much we're all the same and have similar experiences. All probably needed the same comfort and guidance as well at some point. Here's a snippet of the lyrics:

"You, just ask the Savior to help you
Comfort, strengthen and keep you
Jesus is willing to aid you
He will carry you through"

There's really no ending here...just me working out some "mommy" emotions post Mother's day. Joy is a beautiful thing and Jesus brings me joy. This song is like a tutorial on how to serve and I can't wait to teach my little Pumpkin the meaning of the lyrics as she grows. No matter the trials or tribulations, joy is here and yours for the claiming. Hope you all had a fabulous Mother's Day. If you didn't, its totally okay. Today is a new day. Stand in your mission of motherhood.

Talk to you later lovelies,

~Shan, Ms. Naturally Random

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